Common Characteristics Of An Abuser

He was verbally abused as a child, or witnessed it in his own family 
He has an explosive temper, triggered by minor frustrations and arguments 
Abusers are extremely possessive and jealous. They experience an intense desire to control their mates 
His sense of masculinity depends on the woman's dependency on him. He feels like a man only if his partner is totally submissive and dependent on him 
Abusers often have superficial relationships with other people. Their primary, if not exclusive relationship is with their partner. 
He has low self esteem 
He has rigid expectations of marriage (or partnership) and will not compromise. He expects her to behave according to expectations of what a wife should be like.....often the way his parents marriage was, or it's opposite. He then demands that you change to accommodate his expectations. 
He has great capacity for self-deception. He projects the blame for his relationship difficulties onto his partner. "He would not be drunk If she didn't nag him so much.....he won't be angry if only she does what she is told to do........" He does not believe that there is anything wrong with him....but will rather tell all that his spouse has psychiatric issues.......
He has dual personality.....he is either exceptionally charming or exceptionally cruel....he can be selfish or generous depending on his mood.....
A major important character of abusers is their capacity to deceive others.....he can be cool, calm, charming and convincing .......a con man. 
An abuser doesn't relate to his spouse as a person in her own right, but as a SYMBOL of a significant other....this is very true when he is angry. He assumes that she is thinking, feeling, or acting like that significant other.....(often his mother). So his spouse is usually a symbol 
He usually railroads discussions, so that you don't have time to think about what's right and what's wrong in their behavior 

Do you see some or all of these traits in your partner?.....then you need to take a decision especially if you are not yet mistake we all make is to assume that he will change as soon as we are married......YOU ARE WRONG.....some of these traits may not have even begun to show yet....but ask yourself these questions....

Do you feel you can't discuss with your partner what is bothering you ? 
Does your partner frequently criticize And humiliate you, or undermine your self esteem 
Does your partner isolate you from your friends, family or groups 
Does he limit your access to work, money or material resources
Has he stolen from you....or run up debts for you to handle
Does your relationship swing back and forth between a lot of emotional distance and being very close
Have you ever felt obligated to have sex....just to avoid an argument about it
Do you sometimes feel trapped in the relationship
Has he ever thrown away your belongings destroyed objects or threatened pets

Take a moment to consider these questions.......and on a final note he might even behave as though things were OKAY.....the community, your group of friends, family may see you as the ideal couple.....may see him as the "loving...doting husband".......he puts up a fantastic front......but between both of you is obvious that things are NOT OKAY help. 

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About Abayomi Oke

Asiwaju is the CEO of Novent Concept, he is a Professional MC and also a Movie Director "Biographical Info" Novent TV is a subsidary of Novent Concept.


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